Thursday, September 4, 2014

"I Have No Life!"

Do you ever have those days that all you want to do is have a pity party for yourself and publicly post about it on FB? Yeah me neither....

Why the title "I have no life"? Well the past few days I have been down. This summer was great, one of the greatest summers ever actually. So of course when school started and routine made its way back into our day, I put up a good fight. The past 2 weeks have been stressful and exhausting. My school work has doubled and has become ridiculously hard, so my time is consumed by all things school.

In all seriousness, I am having a really hard time this semester. I started back to school last week at Texas Tech. I have overcome so much to get to this point in my academic career. I have worked my tail off the past 2 years and I am excited to be an official Tech student. But with that excitement comes great depression. I miss the days of staying home with Joseph, homeschooling and doing absolutely nothing or doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. Those were the simple days. Now my days are filled with sorority girls in huge t-shirts and skimpy shorts, professors I can not understand, math,math and more math, hot bus rides on campus to my car and long nights doing endless homework.

Yes, I chose to get married at 18 and have my son at 19. I chose to stay home with him and work simple jobs here and there to contribute to our household. Now why did I have to go and start college at 25? Was it because I felt the need to be something in this world or was it to satisfy the constant feeling of failure? To be honest, it was a little of both. I want to make everyone in my life proud. I want to be that daughter that "is now an amazing successful doctor from small town Texas" that everyone looks up to. Who doesn't want to be that person?

In reality, none of that matters. This week I was reminded that the only thing I need to focus on is glorifying God in everything I do.  He does not expect me to satisfy everyone around me. He wants me to honor him.

I know this hard work will pay off eventually, I just need to know there is a light at the end of this tunnel.  I have no life outside of school and my boys. I pray that I find a balance between friends, church and my family.

Back when life was easy:

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